I'm a Bad Daddy

So, as it turns out, I’m a monster.

Peanut and I were playing the other day.I had this silly snowman stuffy. It’s a small plush snowman with a red scarf and a red Santa hat with a green puffy ball on the tip. She really likes this guy.

I put her in her Boppy. Then she tries to grab the snowman as I swing it back and forth. She latches on to it and I let go. Then she holds it, wiggles it, or stuffs it in her mouth (Babies will put anything in their mouth no matter how disgusting, including roly-polies , but that a different story).

We had been playing this for a bit (We play every day but not always with the same toy) when she grabbed the thing a put the ball part of the hat in her mouth.

Watching this, musing about how adorable babies are, it stuck me in a terrible flash that the puffy ball is exactly the right size to clog her little throat. This was one of those, “Oh My Lord” type moments. I seized the snowman and immediately disposed of it (By putting it in a box for when she’s bigger). We played some more of course.

But, later when she was napping I took some time to look around our home and apprise myself of the multitude of death traps it contained.

When my wife was nearing the end of her pregnancy it seemed prudent to baby-proof the house. This was not new to me. Our apartment was baby-proofed, constantly, for my first son. It was small and cramped and dangerous things seem to have a habit of appearing near your baby. Its as if the baby is a magnet for everything sharp, pointy, and miniature throat sized.

We moved before my second son was born. I went through the whole process again. Then Peanut came along and I thought I had done a reasonable job of ridding areas she would venture though of hazards. Yet, here I was staring at a vile stuffy designed to harm my angel.

What really got to me were the unlimited phantoms that might be harmful. If you look hard enough everything becomes a potential source of harm to baby. She plays in the same room I work on my computer in. Drop a pencil on the floor? Pick it up right away. Same with an eraser, don’t want her choking. I used to put my cup of coffee on the floor next to my desk. If I wanted some I leaned back picked it up and had a sip.

Not anymore. My wife would never let me hear the end of it if when Peanut starts crawling the first thing she does is help herself to my scalding hot coffee.

Its not like I’m one of those baby-safety alarmists (though I might be). Its simply that everywhere I look I see images of carnage. My wife says I always see the worst in things. Only, its not a compliment when she says it.

Anyway its my responsibility to insure that we aren’t incentivizing boo-boos. I went online to find some websites with suggestions to improve our safety level. Many of them are simply shilling safety products under the guise of being informative. A few don’t even seem to have much to do with child safety.

A couple are rather good though. I particularly like Dr. Baby. I know it sounds kind of blithe. But, it is actually an informative site. I especially like the pictures of toddlers about to engage in various dangerous act. I know they are meant to help you visualize the potential for danger but some of them are quite humorous.

Another neat site is Baby Proofing Faq which was compiled by Sandra Smith. Parents from all over shared various stories of situations their children had gotten into. One guys son actually pulled over their TV and was pinned under it, though he was okay (FAQ # 14).

Another fellow told of a story in the news where a toddler climbed onto a gas range (stovetop), the kind with flat tops. He somehow had managed to turn it on. While standing on it the rubber soles of his shoes melted trapping him to the range. The images this put in my head sent shivers down my spine. I can not imagine coming over to the kitchen to find this happening (FAQ #1).

In all many of the stories are humorous anecdotes suggesting a few adjustments to your home. While some of the steps suggested might be considered overreacting. Being overly safe will keep your baby from chocking, or having a TV fall on them, or perhaps worse.

Those of you who have your own stories of gross, but unintentional, negligence please share. We’ll all get a kick out of it. But we might just learn something to. Nothing too icky if you don’t mind.